I'm not sure what I'm going to blog about. I'm not sure what I have to say yet... I just know I have to say it.
Let me start out by saying that this blog is for me, and me alone. Anyone is free to read it, but the sole purpose is to bring me peace.
The reason I say this is because I have a growing problem with caring a little too much about what others think. I am on this Earth to live for me, and to live for Jesus. No one else matters.
The purpose of this blog is to get my feelings and thoughts out into the universe; maybe they'll change the world. I like to dream big. But even if they don't, my thoughts will change MY world. I have come to realize in my years that spilling your thoughts is the best, and only way, to sift through them, and find out what you REALLY stand for.
And, as one of my favorite quotes goes:
"If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything."
I believe that every person on God's great Earth has the potential to change the lives of everyone around them. That's why they were put on this planet. Everyone has a purpose; sometimes, it's even to die. Every smile, compliment, or insult has an impact on someone. I know most people have the true intentions to leave a footprint of goodness on this world when they leave, but the real question is: do they care more about that, or about themselves?
I, sadly, have found recently that I care more about myself. This is the human tendency, but since when does giving into temptation breed goodness?
My tragic flaw is laziness. Being the age that I am, this is not surprising.
That doesn't make it right.
My laziness has a negative effect on not only me, but everyone around me. My family has to take on the burden of this household all by themselves. And when they politely try to ask for help, I snap at them. I get angry. Later, when I am acting reasonably, I realize that my anger is unnecessary, and frankly, stupid. It's selfish. It almost always is.
At this point, I feel as if I should defend myself. I won't. I have found this to be another human tendency.
"Well, yeah, it's bad, BUT..."
No. Not but's. What's wrong is wrong; circumstances do not alter that.
I know. That realization sucks. This year in particular has been on from hell; every bad thing you could imagine has happened to me or my family. All year, important aspects of my life have been slipping. When people call me out on it, I am quick to say, "Well, gosh, its just been such a hard year..."
When I'm rude to my family, I tend to blame my depression or "lady problems". Yes, I do admit, those things do tend to lend a hand to my anger issues, but I have full responsibility over how I treat the people I love. And apologizing is not apologizing if it has a "but" attached.
I must admit...my heart feels lighter after typing all that out. I have acknowledged a flaw and identified a way to abolish it.
This will be hard, I must admit. It isn't easy for humans to take blame on themselves. We instinctively want to point fingers. But that does not breed goodness; only selfishness.
"And I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
No comments:
Post a Comment